Monday, April 26 ♥

Last saturday marks my first appearance on tv, and i've never imagined myself going into vasantham to make that first appearance. who wud have thought. hahah. and it's not like as if i was doing a singing performance or anything, which i'm more inclined to, or perhaps acting, which i might possibly be doing, but this was dancing, which i don't think i'm very capable of doing. I've never seen myself as a "dancer".

Well this was indeed a very challenging experience. It's for Mr Vasantham by the way. Like a manhunt kinda thing. Firstly, it's a tamil programme, and obviously they all converse in tamil, and i wont understand a single word they say, apart from vanakem. Secondly, i partnered with one of the contestants, who actually chose a song genre which i'm not exposed to, which is an Indian Folk dance. While the rest breezed through their modern/hip hop/ballad numbers, we struggled with our fast beats of 'bhangra' influenced moves.

We had only a week to practice. I was only alerted on the previous sunday that i had to come down for rehearsals the following day. A colleague of mine was actually the one who pulled me in. Coz they cudnt find enough dancers/models for this act. So i accepted blatantly like it was somekind of a funfair to me. But not until i attended the first rehearsal when i see everyone else practicing so diligently for their respective items.

Getting the steps all done, was not it. I HAD TO MIME THAT SONG TOO. Like, shiiiitt??? So fine, i listened to the song and try to get the words right. And so i did =)

So everything went really fast like from rehearsals to costumes fitting to make up to 'own-done' hairdo and to the actual show itself. Thank god all went well. The judges liked it the most. phew.

But what a way to end it. I actually fell down backstage. This seriously wont be a joke anymore. It has become a norm for me already. i really dont know why. That thing, which i thought was a WALL, turned out to be just a hanging huge black cloth. I actually wanted to support myself by holding on to it. So you can now imagine how it was like. hahahaah. yah in that blinking rich stunning gold dress summore. so bloody unglam.

But i must say it was really a wonderful 1 week for me, coz i've met new nice friends, and experience myself being on a live telecast tv show, and learning tamil of course hahah.

Err i'm performing again this coming sat, soo mediacorp is currently my 3rd home.

I've bumped into a few artistes, like sezairi. Now i really wish to bump into hady mirza, seriously.

Thursday, April 22 ♥

I woke up from sleep
didn't know i was that tired and got into it that deep
To realise there's so many pm messages
on my msn messenger

i got a message from you
but i was asleep, like you always knew
so u left a few words
and go..ohhhhh...

and suddenly i recalled that i had a dream
you came back, yes it was you
freaky shit. it was so tak perlu.
My first ever dream after so long.
It was blue.

Monday, April 19 ♥

The day started out all so gloomy, and the next thing you know, you're smiling from ear to ear.

I was away from my workstation for just a few seconds, and when i come back, a pack of real rich chocolate Fox's crinkles made it's surprise, sitting patiently right infront of my pc with a little note that says "Thanks for everything."

=)

I thought it's gonna be a bad week for me, coz ive got this sudden crazy breakouts and zits all over my face and they are all so huge. Havent got them for very long seriously and so this is really traumatizing. maybe my hormones are changing again.

Last wed's recording experience at laselle was really awesome. the studio's freaking new and huge, like every musician have their own corner, and i had my own room for the vocals. and obviously i was spending my time in there prancing around with my own little space, while the rest do their set up and warm ups and sound checks etc.

Just imagine how the whole live recording was done. Me in my little room and a glass window, singing and looking across the window, is zai with his drums in his own room, and outside far across is jess with the awesome grand piano, and at the other corner, in his cubicle, the guitarist. ok i forgot his name, but wink wink.

Did a few takes and i think we sounded great. Sadly the bassist cudnt make it at the very last min, so there's no bass in it. awkward. but ok lah.

And i should thank zai for saving my day like how superman does coz he made me look at the brighter side of things and he kept telling me to take every little thing slowly. i dont noe since when did he turn into a love guru. but yeah, i'm taking his words seriously now.

And not only that, i'm blessed to have friends around who constantly give me a word or two for advice. and i truly appreciate them. yeah, like shit can smell good sometimes. hahaha k crap. what i'm tryin'a say, let the positive vibes bring yourself out.

I think if i'm gonna update about thursday, friday, saturday, sunday, can get me crazy. Ok fine, well basically just some highlights:

Thursday - when i was dead worried about something, and i did something random, and unexpectedly, that randomness gave me abit of light somehow. slight relief. ok you dont understand. its ok. haha.

Friday - when me and maj had a crazy lunch at sakura buffet since she wanted to makan besau.

Saturday - to wdlds ssdc and finally get myself enrolled there. tampines giant after tt. lunch. go back sleep. and StageArts BBQ @ ECP after that. catch up with rab and faz, and they finally knew about my story. and got truly angry hahaha. and sara, we seriously need to get our butts on the bike. i mean, bicycle.

Oh oh! When we discovered Somalia wasnt part of US. HAHAHAHAH.

sunday - one whole crazy day from 8am to 5pm in a driving school. extremely nuts. macam paham. over confidence. i'm crazy. shit.

Later, to mediacorp. whahahahahahaha...





Life's too short.But yet, you got to take things slow.

Tuesday, April 13 ♥

FB is being such a bitch, i can't even view the home page, or any profile page. The only thing that is displayed is the search engine and me being such a freako literally typed "is there anything wrong with facebook?", and clicked enter.
Obviously it did not get me anywhere and the more frustrating it gets.

I don't know why these days you can just put me anywhere and i will just go into deep sleep immediately. Not like i did anything so taxing during the day.

It's been raining cows these days in the late afternoon. Everytime i knock off and already walking home, it starts to rain. Like yesterday immediately as i step OUT of the shelter, a drip of water hit my face and followed by the heavy downpour. Today almost the same thing.

Ok FB is still not working. Don't you think it's just so weird not to have the page up when you're online or something? Yeah VERY dependent.

I need to stop eating the luxurious 'Rodondo' cream wafer rolls. I've got like 3 tins hiding inside my cupboard hahahhah. Different flavours. Make sure it survives till weekend. Will make good company.

Wah this post is so all over the place.

Having this shitty feeling again =S





I'm now having a stiff neck and i can't turn my head properly. What did i do sia. I don't remember doing so much head banging. I got my mum to massage my neck for me last night in the hall room and i end up sliding down on the floor and sleep. Got up. Still got the pain.

Is the 10 minute massage shop around the neighbourhood or shopping centres any good? Otherwise i need to plaster some pretty koyok on the back of my neck all day.

Updates on my playlist. I'm beginning to like/love these few songs:

1) Alejandro - Lady Gaga
2) Gravity - Pixie Lott
3) Here We Go Again - Pixie Lott
4) I never told you - Colbie Caillat
5) Love Mail - Lady Gaga
6) Parachute - Cheryl Cole
7) Telephone - Lady Gaga feat. Beyonce
8) Temporary Home - Carrie Underwood
9) Whataya Want From Me - Adam Lambert
10)Need You Now - Lady Antebellum

Eh. If you notice, only 1 guy on the list. Gay lah tts why, sound like girl summore. I can't even pull off his songs sometimes. Being such an acclaimed superstar that i am, none on the list are my songs. Nah I don't like my songs. Too much disney. Songs for kiddies.

I had a dream this morning. Erm hahah dah.

Monday, April 12 ♥

It's depressing to know that your friends are actually suffering the same thing as you do. What has the world turn into.

All of them, who used to be in long term relationship, who have now turned single, and who come across new people or new friends, or new guy, or new boy friends, new hope, new light, new whatever, are now being turned away. Some faced this after a while, some within a short period, and some, after dating for so long already.

Trust me it feels shitty. What's even worst is, you just have NO IDEA WHY. It's understandable if it's not meant to be, means it's not meant to be. But it won't do much justice if the underlying truth is untold.

If you treat a person with much respect, how tough it could be, you could just easily leave a statement to clear the mind, to state the reason why. Maybe not everything in this world or in this life is justified afterall, but you can't just leave a goodbye just like that right?

And some, not even a 'goodbye'.

For me personally, happened countless times already i wont be surprised if it happens again and again. seriously. You have no idea how shitty the feeling is.

Are we supposed to go back to the old 'formulae' of turning away people and not interact with them and treat yourself like some arrogant Princess?

Now when we give ourselves the chance, indeed A LOT of chances, and this is the outcome that we get, damn you just don't know if its called unlucky, or just fate, or however you may interpret it.

Sometimes when i think back, it's like cats are now chased into holes by the mouse.

To put it bluntly, it's rejection.

Phew finally that word is out. That is the scariest thing ever.

Just hope that this won't just be another hello, and goodbye.

Sunday, April 11 ♥

"Lets send the love shock, to the top!"

Well that's a line from the pre-chorus of Zai's 'Love Shocked' that i was helping him with last night for his school project. All back up vocals done and showcase will be on wed at his school. Hope he can schedule us for a 1 time rehearsal, coz i havent met with any of his other musicians before. Otherwise, gotta just hit the studio and do it spontaneously. how possible. scary.

I borrowed the cd from him and watched back the gig we had back then @ TJC. That was like in 2005. One word. Awful. I cringed throughout the whole video for the fact that, 1st, i looked horrible. 2nd, i didnt know i was such a bimbo. 3rd, we sounded really bad, and i sounded worst. I could hardly understand what i was singing. Wah damn bad. I always thought we were good. Apparently, not at all.

But for the fact that we were so pathetic but could AT LEAST perform somewhere, that's good enough. I didn't know we had so many songs last time. Definitely we were so cute and i miss the guys. If we can do a remake on those songs, would be wonderful.

Being a performer is never easy. You always need to appeal to the masses and perform songs that are familiar, popular on the radio, and easy listening. I'm never the sort who will put such songs on repeat, or even have them on my playlist. Now i'm struggling. I'm practically downloading songs that are currently in their top 40s just to keep myself updated, and hoping i can easily sing along to it if there's such request.

With this updated playlist, none are my favourites. err except for Adam Lambert's 'Whataya Want From Me'. Yar that's all. So listening to good korean songs all these while werent that bad afterall hahah.

Sidetrack, i've been worrying about something. I don't know if it's worthwhile to even worry about such a thing. Is it that important afterall. I feel like as if i'm back at the same phase of life, like in the past, where i'm free to do my own things, free to talk to whoever i want, free to be with whoever i want, free to go wherever i want. I'm pretty much so adapted to this now that, for a moment, i ponder why am i still so worried.

Could it be the feeling of security that i was so used to? Or could it possibly be the sense of loyalty for someone. Where you know there will be no worries, and where you pretty much know how's life gonna be. And it's so devastating to know that you were actually clinging to false hopes and empty silly dreams.

Maybe it's too early to think about it now. I still have this hope crying inside. But i'm afraid 'hopes' can do the same shit to you. I seriously don't know what to expect now.

I need to prepare for the worst. Wait, i think i have. I'm already up on my feet, and walking, running. It's time for self-defense. Say no to cheaters. My loyalty is worth another loyal soul.

Saturday, April 10 ♥

All that i've always wanted to know, what's ready right infront of me. Do i have to wait till i slowly reach it, or do i start taking physical actions to grasp it.
Do i take it slow, or do i rush into it.

Either way, it will get me there. What implications it might have, that i wouldn't know.

Most often i try to see things that's far ahead of me. But seldom do i realise that there are still more behind me. Everything ready behind me. I just take a pass to it, and move ahead, without exploring the things that are already there.

I've always believed that small little steps are still the best, the only way that suit me. Or maybe i'm just too afraid to take on bigger ones. afraid i might collapse, with a greater impact.

I can't decide. I'm taking chances as they come. I'm just the sort who won't make things happen. Could be bad, could even be good. But i'm pretty sure, i will seize whatever opportunity that come by. I shall try, if it's the best.

But one thing i'm just afraid of, is making the sacrifice. Till now, i have no idea what sort of sacrifice that is, for me to shine even more. Coz in the first place, i dont know how bright a star i will be. I'm just easily content with whatever i'm doing.

I need to learn, and i need to believe, that i have a lot more in me. When it's time to come, it will come eventually.

Just so the world can see, that i have the best in me.





I'm just too lazy to put this into clear sentences, but at the same time i wouldn't want to forget the crazy events. This will do for now so when i read it back, i can recall:

(Non-self-explanatory)

1) Fidah's blinking green lights and getting honked for not making the left turn

2) $2.40 per entry for nothing. laughing around the car park and getting stuck at the car lift but in the end went to some other place.

3) Near accident. phew.

4) Fidah and her "dressing up" in the car for 10 mins - blame the short short dress. car shook like there's somebody having sex inside.

5) 'Australian slanged guy' buzzing around like a house fly and his issues on our non-alcoholic drinks while at Beaver's. and before that, he said "Hi Anoy."
HOW THE HELL DID HE KNOWWW...

6) Awesome 'I'll Be There For You' song request

7) Got a postcard with an image of 'Many topless women on the beach' Kim got from Perth. it's sick to even keep it. but i'll keep it anyway.

8) Too many people around arab street. Fidah and her awkward moments getting out of the car with her erm short short dress.

9) Bunch of ns boys and getting us to play along their birthday surprise party.

10) shared a piece of cake, shared the fun

11) Kim and her tarot cards

12) and her palm reading

13) Fidah and her spilling tea

14) The talk about 'love'

15) And the talk about 'future'

16) Freaky guy

17) Tengku and his men - goodbye

18) Crazy driver- assholes fooling around on the road

19) Home sweet Home

20) 3.30am

FREAKY FRIDAY

Friday, April 9 ♥

Sports Fiesta @ Serangoon Stadium went all good. Nice weather, good spirits, high energy. Full of content. I should say i had the most fun there =)

Fortunately it didnt rain, i'd rather it's sunny and warm, than rain and wet. I havent cheered so much for very long, and i kinda miss the feeling of losing your voice. hahah crap. Well all becoz i had the chance to make announcements and commentaries to the events, and it was really fun! And cheered for the kids a lot! smangat.

Participated in the Mixed Relay, but didnt get into top 3 unlike last year =( coz other teams had 2 male teachers each, whereas my team both female and we're pathetic runners. hah excuses.

And so everyone's happy and enjoyed the good day. and now it's time to enjoy the weekends.

Tomorrow's SYF for band display, and i still donno if i wanna go. I miss being in band. and i miss the musicianship everyone has in them, the staying back late for practices, getting screwed for not training your section well, doing pumpings for whatever stupid things you do. all that in achieving 'one sound'.

I wanna watch Nodame Cantabile, i dont think it's still playing in theatres, so i'm gonna find a way to watch it. can't find it online thou. hopefully the dvd's out or something. it's about students who lead their own student orchestra. it's adapted from a japanese manga. i hope it's good. Like Drumline, or School of Rock hahah.

Out tonight, prolly in tmr, and sunday zai's coming over for some recording for his project.

Things been good. But i want something more. how.

Thursday, April 8 ♥

So what does it mean to be a jerk.

1)You get bored. You look for someone to talk to, or entertain you.
2)You saw somebody on msn and so you talk to that person telling that you're damn bored.
3)It's very late. That someone suggest you go 'report strength'. Wouldn't it be very nice to do that very late at night on bed or something.
4)You said your other half is already asleep. oh well too bad.
5)That person suggest you go get a tub of BJ's or something, or call up mac's delivery to keep you awake and company.
6)and suddenly that person hears the phone ringing and went "who in the blue would call me this late now???"
7)and so it was you. wth.
8)That person answers your call and start entertaining your lame ass jokes, hoping tt you go get to a world of your own, like now.
9)That person gets a news feed update on fb, and you posted something on your wall saying that you're bored etc etc and wishes someone was there to entertain your lonely night.
10) You obviously know that the person would have read it, and so u told that person not to comment on your fb post, that the person was entertaining you just now, afraid a world war might break out soon.

Tau takot.
Go jerk off you jerk.

Wednesday, April 7 ♥

Today was indeed a very fulfilling day. Haven't felt so productive for so long. Despite the nightmares and whatnot that happened the past two days. Everything's fine for now.

Only 4 lines and i feel that this post is boring already. Hmm.. i feel like doing quizzes. nvm later.

Wow this is the most amazing blog post i ever written. If you wanna know why, now it's 11:43pm, i just woke up. from the 4 liner sleep. And what time does this post say? I'm not sure too, check it out at the end.

Tomorrow gonna be another busy day i guess. Before the actual sports day come, and before we hit the weekends.

Meeting kim and fidah friday night, hopefully dont cock up hahah. and both said they are riding. like what? now i have to get my own freaking bike or what? and so for that, they're gonna come over instead whahahah.

Yeah i need to get a driving licence. like now. someone just kick me please. it will take me ages just to enrol myself.

There are some things i feel like getting. not that it's really necessary, but let's see:

1) Personal Digi Cam - Yar like only i can use it and nobody else can. hahah. then cam whore, like a slut. whoa damn fun.

2) External hard disk - Just afraid this laptop gonna crash anytime soon. Yeah back up time.

3) Track recorder - since i like to do songs a lot, this wud be a good investment. Then can publish my own album. ooo exciting.

4) Personal Microphone - like a diva. hahahahahahah.

5) New phone - It's either i get all those above individually, or a phone that functions like all of them. whoa how to get like that. ok obviously don't have.

Then that's a lot of savings to do. hmmm...

Apart from the stupid void deck mini concert which i did previously, it feels like i havent done anything fun/silly/exciting for very long. I need one, to spice up my life. Or do community service or something. ok that was a joke.

And here's the quiz.

PHONE

1. Grab Your Phone.
Ok?

2. What is the 3rd picture of in your phone?
Huh. Me in black framed nerd glasses with a minahrep face.

3. What's your ringtone?
Amarah by Siti Nurhaliza and Kris Dayanti. I can just let the phone ring and not pick up the call haha.

4. Who's the 1st person that comes under M?
Majidah. That's my sidekick at work.

5. Who's the last person you called?
supplier dey.

6. Who was your last missed call from?
Huzaimi. sec sch mate/drummer

7. Who's the 1st person who comes up under C?
CCPE Hafiz. okay there's a couple more names with 'CCPE' at the front


8. Who's your speed dial number 2?
I dont speed dial.

9. What does 3rd text in ur inbox say?
"Millenia walk. baru 3 hari."

10. Who was your last received call from?
supplierrrr...

11. What does your 5th sentbox text say?
"so bila off day baru keje? Flexible kepe?"

12. How many messages are currently in your inbox?
do i have to count? i dont think there's a shortcut to check.

13. What is the wallpaper?
My face. I love me.

14. Who's speed dial number 1?
Shuddup la speed dial speed dial.

15. Who is the 15th message from in your inbox?
Yusri Wulfy, who's selling me digi cams. hahah. ok wth.

16. Who's the 1st person who comes up under B?
Bajal. tt's my eldest brother.

17. How many bars of signal do you currently have?
full.

18. What network are you on?
M1.

19. Name every person you have a message from.
Huhhh that's gonna be longg..

20. What does your 6th text message in your inbox say?
"kerja dalam kerja. faham tak? hahah."

21. Who is the first person in your contacts?
Abg Adik. that's 2nd brother.

22. Who is the last name in your contacts?
Zawanah ITE Beach Fiesta (whom i never even spoken to before)

23. What does the last text in your inbox say?
"paaaaaaagi! :-)"

24. What is your screensaver?
Oh me again. But this time round in short shorts with thunder thighs. no i'm not sick.

25. What is your balance?
Kong simi??

26. Who's the last person under H?
Hyrol CCPE

27. What is your bluetooth name?
Anoy

28. How many numbers are in your phone?
182

29. Could you live without it?
Should be able to uh.

Eh wahlao what kind of quiz is this.

It's late, i need to sleep. Tomorrow update again. hopefully hahaha.
Good night!

Monday, April 5 ♥

Kisah Semalam
*************

pabila mentari terbenam
sayup kedengaran, sepi menelan malam,
pabila hujan diseru alam
suasana bertukar menjadi kelam

apakah ini petanda kejadian semalam
duduk terpaku dan berdiam
sudah hampir dua jam, wajah tampak muram
masih memikirkan bedanya halal dan haram

hidup ku kini bagai kapal karam
Ku meringis dalam suram
Takut akan berlakunya lagi perkara silam
dengan apa yang berlaku semalam
di atas tilam

-_^

no more ideas. what else rhymes with 'am'??

Friday, April 2 ♥

I'm so happy i managed to complete half a song with my crazy anvil studio!!!
Now, the lyrics. I'm using back my recent lame one for the time being to see how it sounds like. I think i'm gonna rewrite something else. that has a slightly brighter tone to it. i seriously got no idea how to write a good one.

Had lunch/dinner with fam juz now at downtown east. walk around, got myself a $5 t shirt then go home. hahah. thought of going cycling or something, but i was inappropriately dressed for bicycles.

My brother shared this with me. The guy macam paham. hahah.


Ah-Ha - Teaching English






Immediately after watching this, i learnt that the guy (the teacher) just passed away. It was in the news. he died of accidentally eating rat poison. i donno how it happened. seems funny but afterall, not everything in life is a joke. it really happened. hais.

Nevertheless, i still love this show. ahah.

I forgot that it's a friday. Feels like sunday to me. that doesnt mean i was looking forward for next week. NOOO!





Watching wrestling is like watching comedy. I don't understand why 1 of them have to clench the other's head in between his legs. Classic act. It looks funny. Ok i donno their names, i think i watched Edge? and The Miz? They got funny names too. If i were a wrestler i'd name myself Sunshine. And i'll prance around the ring and turn it into a ball. Can't stand how they jump onto one another and beat around effortlessly. And pretend they are in pain. oh then why it's named WWE in the first place right.

So why was i watching wrestling. It was late, i couldnt sleep. I turn on the tv and the only interesting ones were America's New Top Model, this Indonesian singing show, and last on the list was WWE. ANTM was quite boring. I got freaked out looking at the skinny girls. And only 1 was pretty, unfortunately she got kicked out. That singing show, only 1 song was good, when Afghan sang with Rossa. Their performance blew me away. So i then forced myself to watch wrestling, coz i remembered how cool it was back then, Undertaker vs Stonecold. eh that's WWF. What's the diff ah? WWF is real and WWE is fake? something like that? Yeah so good thing was, the show ended abt 15 mins after i watched it.

Then i watched Beauty Files. Crap. I fell asleep. The only thing that can keep me awake is computers. I donno why. There's nothing! seriously nothing. Even Youtube can bore me now, and Farmville cant save my lonely moments anymore. But i still kept loyal to internet.

Earlier just now i was playing around with my anvil studio. I think that's what i'm going to do whenever i'm bored now. I picked up a melody, assign it a distortion guitar, allocate some cool drum beats to it. and i'm done with the intro. hahah sounds so easy but nooo.. all the instruments sound pathetic. tomorrow i'll advance to the verse. or, i'll download a better studio. donno, gonna try around.

It's 2nd April already. Fools day is over. I only put on a trick once, on fb. lame shit. and nobody put up a trick on me, except the hady mirza is in mdis part. that's mild. hahah.

I foresee it's gonna be a long boring weekend. seriously. some meet ups are cancelled so yeah. i feel like a loser haha. should have organized a chalet or something. or maybe, i'll randomly call up people and say that i'm at their doorstep. extended aprils fool. aiyer no other ideas.

I was so happy my dad bought roasted chicken. i ate half of it. the whole half chicken. i had it with hot milo. weird combi. ah, then i had chocolate muffins. its good. ok that's it about food. i'm running out of ideas hahah.

Eh freak lah i'm still not sleepy. i dont remember taking steroids or whatsoever.
Somebody please put me to sleep. I know its a long weekend but i still need the beauty sleep u noe. hahahah like real.

I feel like writing more. hmmm.... errrmmm... hmmmh....