Tuesday, May 25 ♥

The only thing i have to tell myself now is, not to bother so much on what others say..

..about..

how i've changed, physically. HAHAH.

It's getting really bad. I don't know why, doesnt seem like i'm eating as much as i did before, i think i'm eating rather moderately now. I don't know how much weight i've put on coz i don't weigh myself. The only way to tell is, if i can't fit into my pants.

My fats don't really go directly to different parts of my body actually, the 1st place it will visit would be the face. And that's how people tell that i've gotten fatter. The only cuter way to put it would be, chubbier. wth.

Arghhh even when i'm slimmer i will still look chubby, now that i've grown, pretty proportionate right?

Ya just to make myself feel better.

But i don't feel guilty! At all!! And i can't really tell if being under pressure or stress would get me into such result, or being happy would. I can't really tell which state i am at now.

I've been busy lately, and i didnt have time to eat sometimes. And i think i've lost at least a kg? but yet i still look chubbier to some people.

I don't know why, i think i've gotten into some paradigm shift that, having a little meat would make one look better somehow? I don't know, i can't stand looking at girls being too skinny. (Well becoz i'm not skinny? hahah.)

WELL...it's all IN THE MIND... and people are often being compared. Either between one to another, or between the current and the past. In the past i was a little chubbier than this, then somehow it went down. and even more a couple of months ago.

But right after the whole shit thing that happened, everything changed too drastically.

Who doesnt want to look good right. I don't want to get into all those stupid low self esteem shit again. I'm just trying to feel good about myself and i don't care if i look better in the past or now. Coz i have to live with it. Things change, people change, and life has to go on.

There you go, emo crap starts again hahah.

I can see that some people are really living their happiest of lives. And they live it as how they wanted it.

I'm happy for them, but frustrated of my own.
And when i observe all those, suddenly, i feel stagnated. There's nothing new about me, apart from the random postings on fb on my little guitar, and the stupid teka-tekis trying to occupy others.

There's a saying that if one is always trying to make others feel happy, in actual fact, one is often feeling down. Maybe it's true? I'm not emo, am i?

In search of something new.