Wednesday, June 23 ♥

I wish everyday was a celebration. But a celebration would only feel like a celebration if it comes by once in a while.

Last week was awesome i should say. Besides the -____- seminar of course, movies with a bunch of people whom i hardly hang around with was definitely good. I think i've been quite anti-social for sometime. So it's a good break frm that. hahah.

Then i decided to take some random getaway frm work. for 2 days. and these 2 days were spent mostly on the brother's bdae frenzy. he's too old for this already. but it's ok.

Went back to work after tt 2 days and, everything else felt like a disaster. frm this irritating bugger whom i can hardly run away frm, to another irritating "head" who cant make simple decision, to this bitch who thinks she's a diva and last min couldnt make it for rehearsals. I purposely came back to sch juz for her lor. and on top of that was mainly becoz i only had 1 hour of sleep that night. Becoz of him. Not him, but him.

AND SO..

I left work. early. how awesome. i wish i could do this any other day. horrible day.

But weekends spent with family was great. apart from father's day, the brother decided to take me out to pump my bicycle tyre, coz it's just too old. erm it's the bicycle i was talking about in a post dated in 2005 i think. and so i pushed the bike all the way to the bike shop when he happily ride on his new bike. mcm noob sia aku.

ohh! oh!! this is the best part.

rather than spending $16 to pump and fix the tube, he decided to get me a new bike! ok laarr share half half. it's lightweight, and FOLDABLE! hahahahah k jakon.

ya la i only managed to cycle only like recently sia -_-

Birthdays for me are never like this. tsk tsk.

Monday, June 7 ♥

Before this wound can even turn into scar, i'm bruised yet again.
When will this ever end.

Saturday, June 5 ♥

48 hours. I made a mistake. Thank god it's over.

And facebook is constantly connecting me with people i desperately wanna avoid.

Now help me out. How do i make myself be heard and known?

Ok these three things, all no link. hahahahah. including the title. blueh.

Tuesday, May 25 ♥

The only thing i have to tell myself now is, not to bother so much on what others say..

..about..

how i've changed, physically. HAHAH.

It's getting really bad. I don't know why, doesnt seem like i'm eating as much as i did before, i think i'm eating rather moderately now. I don't know how much weight i've put on coz i don't weigh myself. The only way to tell is, if i can't fit into my pants.

My fats don't really go directly to different parts of my body actually, the 1st place it will visit would be the face. And that's how people tell that i've gotten fatter. The only cuter way to put it would be, chubbier. wth.

Arghhh even when i'm slimmer i will still look chubby, now that i've grown, pretty proportionate right?

Ya just to make myself feel better.

But i don't feel guilty! At all!! And i can't really tell if being under pressure or stress would get me into such result, or being happy would. I can't really tell which state i am at now.

I've been busy lately, and i didnt have time to eat sometimes. And i think i've lost at least a kg? but yet i still look chubbier to some people.

I don't know why, i think i've gotten into some paradigm shift that, having a little meat would make one look better somehow? I don't know, i can't stand looking at girls being too skinny. (Well becoz i'm not skinny? hahah.)

WELL...it's all IN THE MIND... and people are often being compared. Either between one to another, or between the current and the past. In the past i was a little chubbier than this, then somehow it went down. and even more a couple of months ago.

But right after the whole shit thing that happened, everything changed too drastically.

Who doesnt want to look good right. I don't want to get into all those stupid low self esteem shit again. I'm just trying to feel good about myself and i don't care if i look better in the past or now. Coz i have to live with it. Things change, people change, and life has to go on.

There you go, emo crap starts again hahah.

I can see that some people are really living their happiest of lives. And they live it as how they wanted it.

I'm happy for them, but frustrated of my own.
And when i observe all those, suddenly, i feel stagnated. There's nothing new about me, apart from the random postings on fb on my little guitar, and the stupid teka-tekis trying to occupy others.

There's a saying that if one is always trying to make others feel happy, in actual fact, one is often feeling down. Maybe it's true? I'm not emo, am i?

In search of something new.

Sunday, May 23 ♥

three thirteen yr olds want some hot fat chicken. you have some assless chicken, shuddup and go away.

Tuesday, May 11 ♥

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK!!????

Thursday, May 6 ♥

When guys think with their cock, and not their brain.

Don't be misled.

Wednesday, May 5 ♥

My brain is dead. Totally dead. Is it just me, or is it the season, or is it the people around me, or is it the weather. Maybe i'm abit too free that little things that i have to do make me not wanna do it. Like as if there's no urgency to it. Jialat to the max.

I have an understudy at work. And i think he got a bloody jialat mentor to guide him along. It's exam period now so there's pretty much almost nothing to do. seriously. I gave him stuff to do, and he completes them. I'm supposed to train him. Well, i did. The only difference from the actual trainings or courses that we usually attend is that, my version is of 10 mins long, 2 pages of notes, unlike the 8 hours long course and a booklet full of stuff.

2 more days left for him to be with me. I pity him when he gets into his new school. Coz he's taking over a very much established one who has been there for as long as the service exists i think?

Majidah my sidekick has left the school. I miss her a lot coz she's been guiding me all along, make me feel at home while in the school, and tolerating my nonsense. But thankfully, i got a new buddy. The one who have now replaced her. I call him lalat coz he likes to linger around my workstation and tells me that my msn tab is blinking orange and that i better reply the person quickly.

He loves to sing A LOT and that's GREAT. at least there's someone to back me up if anyone finds it annoying listening to a crazy woman singing to herself. i treat him like how i treat majidah. freaky i know. but i need a bitching buddy u see hahah.

Omg i dreamt about something this morning before i woke up. I dreamt that, the world is going to end very very soon. I dreamt that, it's because of the scorching hot weather that the nation had to build an ice pool above the surface of the land about a few metres high, and the citizens all have to live beneath that surface, before it melts, and we all die. Then i was thinking about my parents, like how much sins i've done to them that i need to take the opportunity to do something to repent.

This is scary.

I woke up, in a position that i first slept in. Means i havent moved for 4 hours!!
I was facing sidewards, 1 leg covered in bed sheets and the other uncovered. how is that possible.

I'm addicted to video-whoring. k tkde kene mengene. hah.

Monday, May 3 ♥

Two letters from A to Z. 'U' and 'I'. Gone terribly wrong.
Like a disaster in a bliss.

Don't ask for more.

Sunday, May 2 ♥

When someone just stops you from doing what you like to do. Or love to do. When you ask for nothing much. Not the money, not the credits. But just the true passion.

This tears can't stop dropping.